cute, small, tiny, talented, cool, techy, good skills, funny, cheery…
I’m tired of everything… I’m tired of everything myself. I’m tired of being myself
it would be nice to have a new personality, new identity, be someone else. someone different, being me is pretty boring. I don’t wanna rant about things, i haven’t been blogging lately bcoz i dont want my blog to flood with negativity and loner-ness.
but yea, i just come to think of adding more colors to my boring life, something with excitement… you wake up and you look forward to having the day.
Lately I’ve been running in a circle, same old thing everyday. suddenly everything lost its flavour. not even a single color would appear anymore. every now and then i find happiness slipping away. I WANT IT BACK. fully.
I wake up in the morning, get ready for work, then walk the superficial street of Robson, fake smiles at work, faking the grin, hiding the discontentment. Maybe true happiness never left me, maybe I’m just not seeing or feeling it but it’s always been there.
but you know what, I never care anymore. I want my old self back, ME always happy no matter what life has to throw at me. SIGH!
WHAT I want right now is to get away from this place for a moment, be by myself, and live like a survivor in a foreign place. SOMEWHERE where no one knows me, where I can become transparent, where I can be myself and not be someone, ONLY because people expect me to be that person.
I want to fly high, and free, like the eagle(?), but I’m stucked here, with my wings glued.
Now tell me…. How hard it is to look gorgeous, wear EXPENSIVE DESIGNER CLOTHING, get a massage, get all groomed up, have 4 people pampering you at the same time just to walk down that freakin runway… and while walking looking oh so damn sexy… having millions of eyes all looking at you, all the attentions, gazillion cameras flashing all at YOU… and in all those million shots… you look absolutely amazing. aside from all that, you are GETTING PAID TONS OF MONEY. HOW HARD OF A LIFE IS THAT?
URrGGg… If I could only die and be born again, I’d want to be European… they’ve always had that MODEL chic look, the height, and a perfect bone structure almost all the designers are salivating for. WHY CAN’T Dominico and Stefano adopt me… Hedi Slimane will do. Marc Jacobs anyone? sigh! I’ll be a good boy guy, I promise. I’ll make you coffee in the morning, and fix your bed… and I can scrub your floor too. i don’t care. Just adopt me!!!
I’m not complaining about what I have, it can get pretty frustrating sometimes. and I don’t know, maybe I’m just sick of being me(?) IGNORE ME!!! *I KNOW this is not good. I just feel like having this moment of —- letting out of all my insecurities. EVERYONE has their own little insecurity moment. let me have mine now. ahhaah~
Nothing wrong with that, is there? I just hope someday I can be part of this BIG fashion industry… somewhere i feel like i belong. but for now, I’ll have no choice but to be ME. far from what I want to see my self in.